My Journey towards Better Mental Health

 

By Valerie Herrera

 

I was recently privileged to direct an original play called Shadows of the Mind, written by Kanaan Hesseling.  At the time it was written, Covid19 did not exist, which makes the timeliness of what is addressed in this play (depression, anxiety, suicide) so remarkable. 

The isolation that we collectively experienced in the past year has taken a toll on everyone. But for those that struggle with mental illness, it was like plugging in an amplifier.  Everything was multiplied times ten. To make matters worse, mental health resources and treatment options became less accessible due to pandemic restrictions and an overburdened health care system.

In my lifetime, I have suffered from varying degrees of depression and anxiety.  Many years ago, I found myself at the lowest point in my life, isolated from family and friends and full of self-condemnation.  In a moment of utter hopelessness and despair, I decided that the world was better off without me, and I attempted suicide.  Thankfully, my loved ones found me in time. This became the beginning of a long road towards better mental health.

The first thing I had to accept in my journey was  that my struggles were valid and that there was absolutely no shame in what I was going through.  When I finally started talking openly about my struggles, I was surprised to learn just how many other people out there suffered from depression and anxiety.  I was equally surprised at how well they had hidden it.  As I became more honest with myself and others, I discovered that there is strength in acknowledging the truth, letting go of what others may think of me and learning from shared experiences.

The increasing honesty in my life created more authentic relationships, and I started developing a reliable support system, which consisted of people I loved and trusted and were there for me no matter what.  The biggest hurdle for me at this stage was learning how to ask for help.  I had wasted so much time thinking I could handle it myself or that no one wanted to hear about it.  Over time, I came to accept that I wasn’t a burden to my loved ones and I started communicating my needs more openly.

Next came years of experimentation into finding what worked best for me.  As time passed, I learned that everyone’s journey is unique and that there is no instant path to healing.  It takes time.  My own road has lasted nearly 25 years and counting. 

Along the way, some of the things that helped me were: therapeutic counseling, prayer, self-help books, college studies in Sociology and Psychology, many, many conversations with people who either provided a listening ear or shared their own experiences, exercise (endorphins), diet and frequent massages.  These are not all the things I engaged in, just what proved most effective for me.  Another person may find that other methods work better for them.

If this list seems overwhelming, it may help to remember that I’ve tried them over a 25-year period, not all at once.  Again, it’s important to remember that healing takes time. My symptoms aren’t as frequent or severe as they were at the beginning of my journey.  I still have a long way to go, but the progress I have made so far makes me hopeful that I will see more improvement in the future.

If you are currently struggling with depression, anxiety or suicidal tendencies, my sincerest desire is that you ignore the shadows in your mind that may try to convince you to give up.  There is hope.  As you put one foot in front of the other and walk down the path toward healing and better mental health, remember that there are people who love you and are invested in your journey.  They want to help you, so let them. 

But don’t stop there.  Understanding more about your illness can also help with finding an effective treatment.  There is a wealth of information including educational materials, tips, and treatment options that are available on the Anxiety and Depression Association of America Website, which also includes a list of Recommended Organizations that provide specialized services.

 

From a fellow traveler, I wish you the very best in your journey.